Idiot. Heart.

by Crissy Wagner

I wrote a book of poetry! And it’s available for purchase! How exciting, I’m excited!

It has been something that I’ve been working on, in the background, for the last 3 years. I’ve even have a few here on my website, in their early stages. My journal here has been a good place to sandbox a lot of my writing, poetry included. I spent a lot of the month of September editing and formatting, in a way that was so new to me and the learning curve was so great.

Idiot. Heart. is my first book of poetry, but I’ve been writing poetry since I was a kid. I remember having to write a book of poetry in 7th grade, I believe it was the last project of the year. (It felt like a book, it was probably about 15 to 20 poems in total, and now that I think about it, that is a lot for 13-14 year old.)

This collection explores the connection between humans and nature, emotions and actions, and how everything eventually entertains and intertwines. Life is a journey that deserves signposts and these poems serve as a poetic guide written during times of isolation, external and internal. Idiot. Heart. features 30+ poems on the seasonal nature of desire, heartbreak, and friendship.

leveling up

Each year, for the past a lot of years, I take a self portrait. Which doesn’t feel very surprising to say, given that I do a lot of self portraiture already. This year was special though, because I had a fun realization about myself.

That I believe I do this ritual, of a yearly portrait on my birthday, because I grew up having a school portrait day that was close to my birthday. I often had some new clothes to wear and that was generally a really positive experience for me.

I think I do this now to recreate those positive feelings I got while getting my picture taken. Some years I have a really GRAND IDEA, and some years (like this one) I run outside quick because it’s pouring rain and a Ziploc bag makes for ok wet weather protective gear.

The next few months will be quiet ones (I hope) full of visiting friends, a little adventure, and preparing for coming year (hopefully full of more visiting friends, adventure and a lot of art that I’m eager to share).

peach cobbler

kitchen witchery

September, the Farm

About year ago I sent a text to my mom asking for her peach cobbler recipe. I have fond memories eating this as a kid and I really wanted to make it just as she did. She sent back a picture of her handwritten recipe. I will treasure that recipe for the rest of my life. Obviously for the reasons you’re all thinking, handing down a recipe is an age old ritual for a reason. But this recipe also showed me a facet of my family I had not yet realized, and I find it delightful. The Hamblin family, my mom’s side, do not seem to complete recipes. The peach cobbler recipe is the most recent in a long line of Hamblin family recipes that have ingredients or steps missing. That long line of recipes include ones I’ve made/written as well, just so no one thinks I’m excluding myself from this endearing quirk. I’ve looked at this recipe for over a year wondering what might be missing. Sure, I could have asked. But I decided I’d rather research and learn. I made my mom’s recipe few times last summer and once this summer, each time a little baffled at what may be missing and why. After the most recent bake I decided that I knew enough to “improve” this family recipe.

The peach cobbler recipe from my mom had more than a few gaps (no pan size, butter but no amount, no raising agent, it literally just says “peaches” and again, no amount) I decided in my own attempt at this recipe, a) do my best to keep track of what I put in, 2) have fun with it and, d) intentionally leave out some ingredients #tradition. While I think peaches don’t need any help flavor-wise, I also wanted to work in some other flavor profiles. In the past I’ve made peach rosemary simple syrups and I think rosemary and peach taste pretty good together, so I added some to the peaches, along with a bit of maple syrup and butter. Because why not? Right!?! To the cobbler batter I added cardamom and cinnamon (no amounts, because #tradition), two of my favorite spices. They were subtle enough to compliment the vanilla in the batter, without making the cobbler overly spiced. The little additions of rosemary, cinnamon and cardamom gave the overall peach cobbler an earthier flavor that I will now judge all other cobbler’s by. Growing up I adored peach cobbler season, biting into a piece of hot peach and tender cobbler. It marks the end of summer and start of autumn. What was usually made for dessert would end up being my breakfast for days after. Peach cobbler for breakfast, if you haven’t tried it do it. Do it now, you and your inner child will thank you.

for the peaches

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5-7 large peaches

1 tablespoon butter

maple syrup

rosemary

for the cobbler

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1/2 cup butter, melted

3/4 cup milk

3/4 cup sugar

1 teaspoon vanilla

1 cup flour

1 teaspoon baking powder

pinch salt

cinnamon

cardamom

also needed

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an over preheated to 350 degrees

9×13 pan, greased

probably a couple more pots/pans too

Preheat the oven and grease your pan. Melt the butter for the cobbler. Mix the rest of the cobbler ingredients, add the melted butter. Add the batter to your greased 9×13 pan and set aside.

Peel and pit your peaches. Probably eat a few along the way. Melt the butter in a pan, add the maple syrup and rosemary, also add your peeled and pitted peaches. Sauté briefly, this is mostly to add flavor and fun to the peaches so no need to cook for more than a few minutes. Pour the peachy goodness over the cobbler batter in the pan.

Put the cobbler in the oven and bake for 50-60minutes.

can’t stop, won’t stop

life update part 3

2pm, the Farm

It seems natural that a move in one area will create ripples and the need for change (movement) in others. During the first half of 2022 I focused a lot on photography. Specifically portraiture, and it was such a joy to flex that muscle. Since I’ve moved, and I’m splitting my time between Harrisburg and Cambridge Springs (and not evenly) it’s been mostly a painting creative zone for me lately (which has been great and hopefully I’ll be able to share some really great painting news soon). Ripples, changes, you can’t stop them from happening. I am getting better at rolling with them though. Once again, I feel myself circling back to talking about having systems in place that help sustain me. I’m ok with that.

Because that means I can use that as a lazy segue to talk about the updates and changes I’ve made here to this website. I love this little corner of the internet that I call my own. I wish more people had their own websites, I’d much rather go to all my friends weblogs than to Instagram or Facebook or anything like that right now. Let the parasocial sites be the ways people find me (and my long ass essays) here on this page. Because I updated my Home page and I love it! I tweaked my Journal and now it flows so much better and I want to actually write in it. I now have dedicated! space! for! portfolios! (link in the first paragraph) and I did a wee overhaul of my session prices (link also in the first paragraph).

I have more to do and more to share, but for now I’m really happy where I’m at and with what I’m doing. And that feels like the most important thing.

part one part two

living in two places at once

life update part 2

4pm, the Farm

While saying that I’ve moved is accurate, it’s not really the whole story. Sure, my bed and work is in Cambridge Springs at the moment, but Harrisburg still has a large piece of my heart. There are people there that I think of and miss daily. So I imagine myself as someone who claims two places as home. Or places that come near enough to the feeling of what home is supposed to feel like. Staying on the Farm and making trips to Harrisburg will be the status quo for a bit. Being a vagabond (with a cat) feels new. I suppose it shouldn’t, moving about every 2 years isn’t exactly stable.

Since settling at the Farm in June I’ve completed 3 paintings and have started a new commission. I’ve spoken before about wanting systems in place that will make it easier to live my life. Why does that seem so hard? I shall accept and learn, hence systems. Lately (since June) I’ve been using the Enlightenment planner. This is #notanad. It’s just me finding the system I need right now and excitedly sharing about it. Not to mention I bought this planner 2 years ago, used it for 3 months and then shoved it into a drawer. And heaven knows why I decided to put it in a box while packing, rather than toss it (this all sounds of my ADHD running amok, because of course I keep all of my half used planners and journals. Don’t get me started on pens.) Well, praise be to my ADHD because this planner is keeping me going right now. (And distracting me from the point of the rambling post.) And the point of this is to say while I’m off painting in the rurals of Pennsylvania and missing the river and the city, I have a system that’s working. Which is great because I have so much that I’m excited to do and having the support to do it will make it easier and a joy.

part one part two